Wednesday, April 22, 2009

On why I'm not a Greek god...

It’s Global Warming. Now, I won’t go into what Global warming is all about, because I think Education has already grilled – and, thus, ruined - the intelligent-born Man with its intricate details. So, preferring to have my head propped on my neck, I’ll skip exploring that thread of ideas. But yet, the fact stands, and stands tall, that the Climate is changing; there are hardly any noticeable showers – this much to the dismay of Delirious who keep shouting at the heavens at the top of their voices to Rain Down!; and, especially this summer, as the days pass by, its getting hotter and hotter in geometric proportions. It is as though the Sun is being cold and stern towards an erring son, who even after constant reproval keeps erring in the same smooth fashion, unabashedly. Now, most of us will be judgmental about such child rearing practice, stating that the Sun, in being cold and stern - even towards such an unheeding son - has gone a bit too far this time. This would, however, be a view over-flowing with prejudice: for even the earth, or more specifically we, are not so clean in this matter as one would expect to be. We are responsible for this increasing heat – using all those equipments emitting Greenhouse gases to name but one fault. So, when the poet said that ‘summer joys are spoilt by use’, he sure knew what he was talking about.

These days, in order to compete with the heat and the humidity that accompanies it only to make matters worse, I spend most of my time locating electric fans and sitting right below them. And when I get tired of searching fans and sitting below them, I take a nap.

Taking a nap, especially in the afternoon, presents itself with an excellent opportunity to refresh your memories about the yonder days when you were a child of the tender young age of two, since the heat makes you perspire so, that you make wet anything that comes in contact with you – mainly, your bed sheets. Keeping yourself cool has, thus, become more of a quest for survival.

When Wodehouse tried to seek solace in the Solitary Triumph of men over women in the field of notorious businesses, they forgot to slip it to him that surviving in extreme heat was another sphere where men have an edge over the fairer sex. When he was trying earnestly to gain proficiency at solace-seeking, clinging on to his glass of port for support and encouragement, he could see no success. Had someone, at this juncture, treading softly, appeared by his side, and, observing the dull despair that spread over his features, whispered into his ears this most credible success of men, he would have leaped into the air with excitement, fully restored to his former self again. However, it was not to be, and we can only muse in dismay at what might have been.

Just to make all handicaps clear, men have an edge in this matter as a direct outcome of the Dawn of Civilisation. The Homo habilis would have contested with complete fairness in this showdown of the sexes, but the same cannot be asserted about Homo sapiens. Unlike women, men can run about the place, shunning any garment that may pose a threat of covering their bare bodies, with few going to the extent of stopping in front of the mirror from time-to-time to observe their features, looking like some Greek god who had forgotten to take his pants off. For the ancient Greeks, when they bare it, like to bare it all. My Mum often raises this point in the height of the summer months, and deems men as being lucky as they can bare it, if need arises, while women have to bear the heat without choice. But hey, blame Civilisation for that!

When we wrote the final exams in our college this year, it was an unwritten maxim obeyed by all that it is a sin leading eternal torment to forget your handkerchief at home. So, out of the fear of Damnation - and also the act of having to squeeze your answer sheet dry, the scrupulous student always had one on his person. Also, if you, by any chance, carried a water-bottle extracted straight from the Frigidaire, after an hour or so, you were almost certain to find it warm enough to go along with honey (if you were careful enough to carry some) as a treatment for your throat infection (if you were lucky enough to contract one).


Life, these days, is really becoming miserable, what with hot air blowing straight in your face and the humidity to give it company. These two assure that you, dripping in sweat all the time, give the impression of having just emerged after tripping over a slippery surface into the water pond. Well, to avoid such fate, you may suggest installing an air conditioner and basking in the cool environment of that isolated room, but that will only add to the outer unbearable heat, taking it a step further in the measure of unbearableness – as even a dim-wit grilled well by our Education system could figure out by himself.

Actually speaking, Life will become more like hell as the years go by. The two aforementioned phenomena will give you the sensation of squatting on burning, red hot coals, as you crave for a drink from trained-hands. Gunga Din, where are you?
(As it is, it’s getting hotter every summer and I don’t doubt that there will come a day one summer, when the whole world with all its populace will get baked into biscuits!)


Jason said...

Hey there!
Firstly am really sorry for my idiotic advice that I gave that day, er..I should have read the complete post. I was too dim-witted for that.
After reading the complete post, It's really 'good', one of the few posts that I liked.....
Hey, but we could have used a more concise view. remember our joke, "Heat is Hot...Hotter...Hottest". Well,forget it.

"We're in a giant car heading toward a brick wall and everyone's arguing over where they're going to sit..."

Soutik said...

The enjoyment i eventually seek in reading your posts was spifflicated due to the predefined idea you gave me about the why,when,where of the topic. But seriously it is one of the master-peice that could have been developed by someone just after looking at himself in the mirror.
Again one of the top-drawers of your work.....