Sunday, May 20, 2012

The South Park test..

It was a dull and dreary morning, the clouds obscuring the sun in all their darkness. There wasn't the slightest trace of pure sunshine anywhere. Whatever light there was, was impure - contaminated by the dark clouds. The only thing missing was rain - to make that November-end morning an epitome of sorrow, depression and hopelessness.

In house W-10, Scrotie McBoogerballs sat by a window, identifying with the weather outside. For him, life was equally sad, dreary and hopeless - if not more. "Good bye", that is all it said - careless and unpunctuated; the capitalization, a courtesy of the T9. His world was turned upside down. He was hurt by the neglect, and also by the sudden ignorance of his existence. He yearned for yesterday, when things were alright, but he wasn't smart enough to build a time-machine. He realised that he needed a distraction, to take his mind off the whole. He started by trying to suck his manly appendage, but owning to the lack of sizability and of a flexible body, he failed. He was sad again.

He needed something else to distract him. I'll watch T.V, he decided.

So he went to lie on the couch, and simply mechanically switched from one channel to another. In nothing did he find interest.

He tuned-in to VH1. It was time for South Park.

Maybe, just maybe, that will do it - given that its so freaking awesome, he thought. Maybe there will be something ridiculously funny to make you laugh your gut out. Yes, laughter - the best medicine, isn't it? Or is that Viagra? Dunno, something. But maybe it will help. Maybe some celebrity will be heavily picked upon today, and there might be yet another innovation in the ways to kill Kenny. Let's watch.

But the half-hour passed, and it had not helped. He hadn't managed to laugh - or even grin, for that matter - at any of the punches. HE HAD NOT FOUND SOUTH PARK FUNNY!!

It was then, that it really dawned on to him how deep he had fallen into the pit of depression and hopeless. He abhored his existence. He had lost all will, he had lost all desire..

Two hours later, policemen crowded the neighbourhood.  In W-10, they found Scrotie McBoogerballs shot in the head, and hanging by his scrotum. The gun lay on the floor in all the blood underneath.

Suicide, they decided. So, they searched the house for a suicide note - because that is what all the morons do, write moronic notes and kill themselves.

After a fruitless but arduous search, when one of the officers went to get some chilled water, the note was finally found in the refrigerator under a soup bowl. It went like this:

"I do not wish not live anymore. I have spoiled everything. I do not think repentance will be of any significance. There is no way for me to get out of this - unless, of course, I kill.. Yeah, that will do it! I should kill myself! That is exactly what I will do, but getting back again.. My life is a lost cause now. I have chicken-arms, a bullet-head and I can't suck my own cock! And, if that wasn't enough, now even South Park doesn't make me laugh. And that just does it!

So if anybody ever finds this, I just have one message to pass on to the world:

Boys and Girls, don't ever let yourself become so helpless that you don't find South Park funny. Remember, No matter what the sorrow, so long as find it funny, your life is freaking awesome! So, if you're ever depressed, take the South Park test - watch an episode - and if you are not amused by it, GO KILL YOURSELF ASSHOLE!

Its all over. I can't take this anymore. It just hurts too much.

Good bye"

And so, after an unpunctuated farewell, Scrotie McBoogerballs hung himself by his scrotum.


Jason said...

And "Farewell! brother.." said Scrooge McBoogerballs. I will always have the fondest memory of you.
Scrooge went home, poured himself a scotch and switched on the tv 'cos that's what the McBoogerballs do when they're depressed.

And as the old tv screen sluggishly came back to life. Scrooge saw, staring back at him, hungry and unsatisfied ready to claim yet another life, an episode of 'South Park'

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